Catch 22 Motherfucker

Black and whites from Japan. I'm talking about photos.

I’ve been posting to Instagram as I go. It’s been chaotic. It’s also been useless, from a social and probably creative standpoint. I’ve just been fucking around without rhyme or reason as usual. Actually if I were to be buried and not cremated (there’s no way I’m wasting even more space when i’m gone), that would make a great headstone: “without rhyme or reason.”

However I stumble forward holding onto the ever more ridiculous thought that I exist for an actual reason besides annoying the people around me. (PS This is not a cry for help, and I am not in danger. This is just voicing my reality in case it resonates with others in a similar situation.)

I enjoy taking the photos, and publishing them. I feel under-appreciated but realise if I wanted appreciation I’d have to go about this in a much more methodical way. And methodically seeking appreciation kind of puts me off.

CATCH 22 MOTHERFUCKER

However, I am invigorated to move forward with he next thing in life. I’m going to be coaching a young autistic guy (who doesn’t leave his house except when people are paid to get him out of it) to start a game blog in the aim of getting involved in the industry as a play tester or maybe even game designer. I think getting him doing something will be a success even if none of that ever happens. Or am I just infecting another human being with my own unique brand of false-hope, and he should just be trying to get a job at macdonalds? Time will tell.

I’m bored with just about everything. But I do love talking to people about their dreams. I’ve reached out to a couple of people to talk with their dreams with me here, but I don’t think that’s very exciting to them so I’m not sure what to do next here.

I’m literally rambling at this point but isn’t that what I promised for this newsletter at the beginning anyway? No! But it’s all I’ve got. so there you go. it’s kind of hilarious because this is the kind of thing a 17 year old would write on the internet in 1997, but i’m a 43 year old and it’s 2023. Hahaha! Then again, I’ve always been a fan of the old internet.

Value….. value…. how can I leave you with some semblance of value after all that self-involved bullshit? Let me think for a sec.

Here’s something: I am over-empowered. I have so much crap at my disposal which has proved, so that I have nothing to hide behind, that my only limitation is me. How is that valuable information to you? Well, like all depressing truths, it’s a blessing in reverse. The literal reverse of that would be: “your liberator is you.”

I’m not sure how valuable that is but I will hold onto this for the short term and put somethings in motion.

Oh I’m going to make a photo book.